Love

Tonight I have the opportunity to share my testimony with a group of young women who feel personal conviction towards pro-life. The group is 20-somethings here in Dallas and I have no doubts that at least one woman in that group has either personally experienced abortion or knows someone who is hurting from this painful decision. I am so humbled that God would use me in such a bold way and I also feel very unworthy. That of course can be good and bad...good if it's completely under the belief that it is only by grace that I have been saved and that nothing I can do could ever win favor with God...bad if it's bases on lies. I think I fall in the middle, but I am fighting the lies. God knows all of that, of course, and what did He do about it this week...he provided more than one opportunity for me to be publicly (which I don't like) encouraged and reminded of all GOD has done in my life through what has been a challenging season of growth. He is good and knows our hearts and what we need and when the perfect timing is. Thank you Father, for your sweet reminders.


Last night I spent some time journaling about my past and thinking through the important key components of God's work in my life. To name a few: community, examples of unconditional love from dear friends, authenticity, scripture and obedience. Then I found myself thinking through who God is. With which I was left with one word LOVE.

You see, so often in my life I find myself believing lies like God is just some deity over my head waiting for me to get it right. Questioning how real he is, how loving he is and what this is all really about. But last night I thought to myself, if God is just waiting for ME to get it right, then wouldn't I likely still be living in painful destructive relationships, pushing everyone out of my life, living in complete isolation and depression, burdened by guilt and shame? Absolutely!! Because if it's ever up to ME alone...I choose familiar; even if familiar is heart wrenching and painful.

The good news is God isn't just a deity waiting on me to get it right! He loves me and He showed that to me over and over again through my healing process and through my years of depression. God is love. It's a loving thing when someone brings people into your life who love you as you are and who are willing to walk with you. It's a loving thing when a doctor shares his skills to heal your deep wounds and repair your broken heart. It's a loving thing when broken relationships are reconciled and begin moving towards newness. It's a loving thing when all your needs are met above and beyond when you are so weak you can't hardly get up. It's a loving thing to listen, dry tears and comfort hearts. It is loving to speak heard truths that pierce deep and cause growth. And it is loving to extend grace and welcome someone in who has done so many undeserving things.

And I ended with this truth...For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith and this is not of yourself, it is a gift from God and not by works so that no one can boast. Eph 2:8-9

Today I am so thankful for the grace that has been given me through my mustard seed of faith.