Nearly 10 Years

It seems lately, lots of people are reflecting on the last decade. I have a friend who posted 9 lists reflecting all that God has brought her through, grown her through, and revealed himself through over the last 10 years. It was amazing for me to read. We have been friends for 4+ years and I think the world of who she is and all that she has done in my life. Reading them makes me realize more how BIG God has been in her life and in who she is today. I love that about her and so much look forward to being her friend through this decade ahead.

In all that...God has really been tugging on my heart to reflect back on my last 10 years and I am not sure why, but I am just not making the time for it. Well, if I am honest, I think I do know why...but that's another post for another day. Let's just say in summary...I'm A Runner (not the athletic kind).

In our staff meeting this week, I realized (not that I ever really forget) that in March 2010, it will be 10 years since I chose myself over life, my fears over God's love and gave up one of the most precious gifts God has given me. I let my pride and fears drive me deeper into sin that would forever change my life and leave a hole in my heart for my precious baby, John Michael. THANKFULLY my story does not end there!! The same God that has been BIG in my friend's life, has been BIG in my life too these past 10 year. I'll admit it took Him allowing 6 years of depression, 6 month of Celebrate Recovery, 3 rounds through Forgiven and Set Free, a community of loving, godly friends, several books & bible studies and so much more to see Him and let in. But as He knew He would, He got my attention. Because that's who He is...patient, kind, loving, faithful, unchanging, sovereign, good, wonderful, counselor, mighty, creator, healer, sustainer, King and Father. And I need all those qualities of Him just to make it through each moment. Thank you God for loving me when I did not love you and for never giving up on me. 

I wish that I had something BIG to offer him for all he has done for me...total and unfailing devotion comes to mind.  But I still wrestle tons, asking lots of questions and sometimes battling doubt.  But He reminded me this week, that it's just not over yet.  He's still growinging, teaching and revealing himself in my life. I just need to keep giving him room.  Father, help me give you all the room you need!